One People, One Empire, One Leader

Walking through the streets of Tajik cities, one’s hand involuntarily reaches out in greeting to each of the thousands of portraits of the leader, hung everywhere except in public toilets. It is somewhat reminiscent of how things began in a large European country 90 years ago, after a corporal came to power. By rank, equal – like his current colleague in Tajikistan, who finished his service as a senior sailor. One difference – the German Führer was not lacking in artistic talent, although he grew up in the town of Braunau am Inn, where the population was one and a half times smaller than in Dangara. The Tajik Führer can only dance at weddings.

Photo: Internet

The corporal had another gift – he knew how to “ignite” the audience, which is why he became popular. His colleague from Dangara had no talents, but for some reason, he caught the attention of Russian Colonel Kvachkov from the GRU, who decided to make the director of a poor state farm the Führer of modern times. Not a real one, because the real Führer lived in Moscow, but a local one was needed to calm the democracy-seeking Tajikistan.

So, the Tajik Führer was appointed with Moscow’s approval, and the Kremlin allowed him to behave as he wished towards the population: if he wanted, he would shoot, if he wanted, he would imprison, if he wanted, he would expel people abroad. And to make sure everyone understood that a true Führer had come to power, he demanded that his portraits be hung on every corner, so people would not forget who the Führer is. And to make people believe immediately, he recorded in the Constitution that he is the “peshvoi millat,” meaning – the people’s Führer.

Germany is a country of hardworking people, Dangara is the capital of the poorest district. There is a difference in this, but everything else is the same; the Tajik Führer has plenty of money, an abundance of power, and an even greater desire to be a Führer. Besides portraits, poems and songs are composed for him, which he condescendingly listens to, squinting his puffy eyes from drinks.

Another passion of both Führers is marches. In Germany, it was a military tradition, in Dangara – a sign of immense power, when the Führer stands on the podium, and below him march hundreds and thousands of students and schoolchildren, who have rehearsed for weeks so that the Führer can clap his chubby hands and wave.

In Germany during those years, even a slogan emerged, meaning unity – “Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führer” (One nation, one Dangara, one leader). And so every month, every week, all year round – the Führer arrives – unity must be shown, with weeks of rehearsals to make the unity look festive and genuine. The Führer will be pleased, clap, and then go to the table, where he is already served drinks and snacks on a fork…

Everyone knows the finale of the German story, the end of the second one – is still being discussed.

Oleg Panfilov